reviewing a century’s worth of snacks

one of the best parts about biking 100 miles in one day is that literally everything tastes amazing. that is, unless you are the fool who complained about pb&j’s being at the second rest stop in a row at the nyc century on sunday and talked up the hummus you had at a rest stop during a ride in massachusetts.

what is wrong with you? a handful of bugs flying into my mouth at once during the ride this past sunday would have been one of the greatest meals of my life.

still, there are some snacks that especially tickled me. here are my top 3.

  1. chocolate mint honey stinger stroopwaffels tasted like caffeinated dutch thin mints and almost made me fall off my bike multiple times. they’re also kind of like waffle sandwiches so that is a big plus.

  2. a bag of pirate’s booty followed by a brownie followed by a second bag of pirate’s booty followed by another brownie. i could have kept going but i was only 40 miles in at that point and had some riding to do.

  3. bananas.

here is how i made a fourth tomato sandwich. (see also: a tomato sandwich, a second tomato sandwich, and a third tomato sandwich).

1. toast an english muffin on a pan while participating in a live television debate with a provocative and influential toaster lobbyist (not pictured).


2. show the audience your impeccably toasted english muffin. take a bow. throw a hackey sack at the toaster lobbyist’s head and run away to assemble your sandwich.


3. recklessly slather mayo onto your english muffin with a butter knife.


4. hire a helicopter pilot to fling tomato slices onto your sandwich from a height and sprinkle salt and pepper onto them.


5. a fourth tomato sandwich. if you missed earlier episodes, you may want to read a tomato sandwich and its gripping sequels a second tomato sandwich and a third tomato sandwich.