on burrito bowls
i had a really great chipotle burrito bowl last week. i wonder when the 49ers, chiefs, j. lo, or shakira last had a truly super bowl of rice and burrito-appropriate toppings.
recently i hope.
here is how i made a a fried shrimp sandwich.
1. have you considered buying a ranch house? don’t have the funds? have you considered making homemade ranch dressing instead? it is quite tasty, light on your wallet, and you can imagine owning a horse while you use it as a dip.
2. throw a red cabbage, tomato, and pickles at a knife. collect the resulting slices onto a platter. squeeze some lime and throw salt on everything. throw a football around just for fun.
3. throw cornmeal, flour, cayenne, and salt into a cauldron full of shrimp. consult the harry potter series and tolkien’s works, including all the extremely boring, long ones detailing middle earth’s families and their ancestry. read obsessively. cast a shrimp-frying spell. throw a football around just for fun.
4. use your newfound sorcery skills to materialize a toasted kaiser roll.
5. use your newfound sorcery skills to maneuver a spoon into your bowl of homemade ranch and spread it on your kaiser roll. throw some hot sauce on there! throw a football around just for fun.
6. gently, delicately, gracefully lay a mess of fried shrimp on your sandwich.
7. (not pictured) shape a small football out of a tomato and include it in a diorama of your favorite scene from super bowl 54. (pictured) shape the leftover tomato into slices and use your newfound sorcery skills to frisbee them onto your sandwich.
8. throw a football around just for fun, then wash your hands and top your sandwich with some slaw.
9. put some more ranch dressing and hot sauce on your sandwich, but with your muggle hands this time.
10. a fried shrimp sandwich.