tales from craigslist
1. the douche
me: shows up to building lobby to let sofa buyer in
buyer: what floor are you on?
me: the fifth.
buyer: maaaan this is going to be tough, huh. 4 flights of stairs?
me: there is a spacious elevator that will fit the sofa.
we ride the elevator and enter my apartment. buyer sits on sofa.
buyer: ok this is kind of a shitty sofa i will offer you [lowball].
me: no. sorry.
buyer: ok are you sure? i can get this off your hands now for [lowball] and it’ll make my girlfriend happy.
buyer: look. i don’t think you’ll get more than [lowball], especially having to haul this down like 5 flights of stairs.
me: we rode a spacious elevator that will fit the sofa.
buyer: ok so you’re sure about this, huh? no deal?
2. the grieving-sofa-buyer-nearing-their-65th-birthday scam
my son wants to buy this sofa for me for my 65th birthday. we are headed to a funeral right now because there’s been a death in the family so my son will send over a moving company and we’ll pay by cashier’s check just send me all your info and we can get it started.
sorry, cash or venmo only.
sorry, my son said he can only do cashier’s check since we’re out of town for a funeral. as i said there’s been a death in the family. if you are okay with this method of payment please send me all your info.
3. where did this money come from
i just bought a house and am totally stretched financially! i’m willing to pay a third of this price, i just love this table.
ok i just ran through my finances and it turns out i can pay full price and pick up the table today.
i’m selling all my furniture in seattle! know anyone who’s looking? dm me: @sandwichesimade.
here is how i made a bombay chutney naan sandwich.