a behind-the-scenes look at managing my production crew
Yesterday, 11:58 PM
me: hey the sandwich cross-section shot is kind of beige and could pop a bit more.
crew: the problem is that the sandwich is quite beige.
me: can’t you jazz up the photo in post-production?
crew: do you want to deceive your audience or preserve your editorial integrity?
me: i just want a more colorful sandwich
crew: then make one
the sandwichesimade production crew doesn’t take liberties with the truth and i respect that.
here is how i made a vegetable masala patty sandwich.
1.admire the box container holding all your frozen vegetable patties.
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/packaging.jpg)
2. with a level of grace achievable only through decades of focused and deliberate practice opening boxes and extracting items from sealed plastic, remove a frozen patty
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/uncooked-patty.jpg)
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/oil-on-pan.jpg)
4. after the 6 to 8-minute cook time passes, a cooked patty will materialize on your pan and interrupt a great story your new friend was telling you. melt some cheese on the patty.
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/cooked-cheese.jpg)
5.slice more onion than you could reasonably fit on your sandwich. set aside a sensible number of slices for your sandwich, eat the rest, and find a lesson to take away from the experience.
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/cut-onion.jpg)
6. strike up a casual conversation with the blackberry on the jar of spicy artisanal jam you bought at a farmer’s market a year ago because you felt guilty eating all their samples.
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/blackberry-jam.jpg)
7. jam some mayo on one piece of toast. spread some jam on the other. wonder why JAMS arbitration clauses are so common where contract dispute resolution is concerned.
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/spreads.jpg)
8. place the star of the show on your mayo toast.
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/patty-topping.jpg)
9. jam some leafy greens on the jam. get some new jammies. attend a phish concert.
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/greens-topping.jpg)
10. hire a bounty hunter and plan a hit on yourself. when your adrenalin peaks, sprinkle salt and pepper with the frenzied lunacy of a weird al yankovic megafan. call off your hit and tell your bounty hunter about the sandwich you’re making.
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/salt-and-pepper-topping.jpg)
11. place onion slices on your patty.
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/onion-topping.jpg)
12. a bad photo of a vegetable masala patty sandwich and the catalyst for a kerfuffle with the sandwichesimade production crew.
![image-center](/images/vegetable-masala-patty-sandwich-1/sandwich.jpg)